animal behaviour

as a result of the nature of the internet, i occasionally find myself watching porn. i'd like to clarify this a little by saying i don't go looking for porn, porn comes to me. usually as links on blogs i've been reading - and not porn blogs either, just people writing stuff like 'i went to the shops today, had lunch with friends, watched a movie.....and here's a great link i found'. anyway, i probably didn't explain that very well, but the point i'm trying to get across is that when porn comes to me it usually comes unexpected.

so, a few minutes ago is an example of a time when i've come across unexpected porn. at least i think it was porn. there wasn't any nudity. the site i visited contained a series of nicely filmed, user submitted videos of their face while they masturbate (i won't put a link to it, but the site is called 'beautiful agony'). normal porn like naked people, facials, golden showers, girl on girl, etc doesn't have that much effect on me. however, after viewing this site today, my mood has changed considerably. basically, i've gone from:

1) going about my normal daily business

to

2) watching a free sample of a well lit, nicely filmed video of a woman's face while she masturbates and has an orgasm

to

3) having a very strong desire to have sex.

and this is where i am at the moment.

highschool does some good things like teach history, mathematics, english, etc, but one thing i think it does poorly is prepare people for practical situations in life, such as the one i'm currently in. of course there's a very simple and obvious solution to all this (and at the moment i'm by myself) - but i'm not suggesting that highschool teach people that. rather teach something about the origins of emotions such as sexual desire, anger, sadness, etc, ways of thinking about these emotions and how they affect interaction between people. perhaps something like a simple psychology subject.

my highschool had sex education classes which lasted for 1 term of year 9. i have two memories of the classes:

the first is of when we were asked by the teacher if we knew how a woman could urinate and wear a tampon at the same time. most of the class were stumped. i knew the answer: there are two holes. i knew this because the first book i borrowed from my local library after it installed a computerised system where people no longer had to talk to a person to borrow was a sex education book directed at males. in addition to female anatomy, the book contained a section on 'how to talk to your penis'. the instructions were: first gain an erection, next, think about something thats worrying you, perhaps a test that is coming up. im not sure if this is the right answer, but when i do this, obviously the erection goes down and my penis then says 'what the fuck do you think you're doing?'

the other memory i have of sex education class is when we were asked to write an essay about sex before marriage. i got 8/10 for my essay, but also a comment in red pen which said 'i pity your views'. i talked to a number of people in the class and none of them had a similar comment. the point i tried to make in the essay was sex before marriage is an individual's choice.

i don't know if its possible to guess from these two stories, but i went to an all boys anglican school where the sex education teacher was also the school chaplin.

ok, so back to possible solutions to the current problem. i've had a little more experience with sex from when i was in year 9, but i still think this where people might start having the 'i pity your views' type thoughts. i saw the movie shopgirl a couple of days ago. one of the main parts of the movie is that the two men in it, even though very different, both had the wrong idea about sex - im probably not giving too much away, but they both realise this through their relationship with the shopgirl. so maybe i haven't had my realisation yet. anyway, here are the options. i've decided to stay away from euphimisms:

1) masturbation. during, feels pretty good. afterwards, can go two ways: either a sense of calm and relaxation or a feeling of being the most lonely pathetic person ever who also has a mess to clean up. i've decided not to go for this option today.

2) sit it out. when i was a teenager i thought this was the best option. as i said, i went to an all boys angican school where the sex education teacher was also the school chaplin. i don't think sitting it out is the best option. it makes it hard to concentrate on anything else.

3) sex with another person. more specifically, sex between two people who both share affection and respect for each other and where the end result is a mutual satisfaction of interests. in theory, i would rate this option higher than either option 1 or option 2. In theory, my brain can come up with a large number of rationalisations as to why it would be ok to call up a friend and ask if they want to have sex. however, in practice (or reality), it probably wouldn't work, because of the emotions involved, expectations, need for communication and a whole lot of other things.

5) think of things that are a turn off. say like a problem at work, or as in the talking to your penis example, a test thats coming up. i think this option has dangers, namely, what if instead of being a turn off, the thing thought about becomes associated with sex in my mind. sexual feelings at work are not always the best thing.

6) sport. - possibly a good option to go for a run or something, but its raining.

7) write on my blog about it until the feeling goes away. what i can say about this is that so far, this is the longest post i've had on my blog and the problems not yet solved.

its stopped raining..perhaps a good time to go for a walk.